This is the script for my short film for college.
Screenplay by M. Robert Turnage, 26screenplays.com.
Screenplay by M. Robert Turnage, 26screenplays.com.
INT. BEDROOM - EVENING
Jake looks into the camera and talks.
JAKE
Hello world! This is Jake and I am officially announcing that Julie and I are no longer an item.
JAKE holds up a picture of a pretty young lady. he slowly rips apart the picture as he talks.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Yes, I know that comes as a shock, but what it means is that I am now available, ladies. However, before you can date me you need understand the rules of the game. It;s not like I'm high maintenance, or anything. There are some things you need to know.
JAKE holds up a note card with a "#1" written on the card in black marker.
JAKE (CONT'D)
First rule, you cannot under any circumstances call me any pet name.
JAKE sets down the card and begins to ELABORATE.
JAKE (CONT'D)
And when I say pet name I mean stuff like Jakey or Jake The Flake or Booty-Bo-Cutie. Just call me Jake or maybe Superstudarar, but nothing else.
Jake holds up a note card with a "#2" written ON It.
Jake (cont'd)
Rule number two - I get to pick the music whenever we are in the car.
Jake eloborates.
Jake (cont'd)
You may really love that stupid song, but you can listen to it on your own time. When we're on my time, I call the shots.
Jake (cont'd)
And this goes double when we go to restaurants. I get to pick. I don;t care how much you like sub sandwiches, I am sick of them. When we're looking for a place to eat, and you're all, "I'm craving sub sandwiches," that will be it for us. I don't like chicken salad or a french dip or a meatball hoagie or whatever. When I say I want pizza, we're getting pizza. And I don't care if the little pepperonis hurt your digestive tract, I like pepperoni.
Jake holds up a third card labeled "#3."
Jake (cont'd)
Rule three, when I say your best friend looks hot and I wonder what it would be like to kiss her, I don't mean I would actually do it. I just mean that I'm thinking about it. And maybe drawing pictures of it. And writing out detailed fantasies. But I'm not serious about it. It's no big deal. You know, we can just forget about rule three.
JAKE TOSSES THE #3 NOTE CARD AND PICKS UP A FOURTH Card labeled "#4."
Jake (cont'd)
Rule four, and this is the most important rule, you should never - NEVER - talk to Julie about when she and I were together. She is bitter and she lies all the time, and I would not trust a thing she says. Like that story about me wanting her to dress like a cowgirl and lasso me up - that's a big fat lie! It shows what a diseased mind she has. And before you ask, I do not care that she started seeing Tommy Weaver a week after we broke up. It just goes to show she can't hack being single. She is not strong, like I am. (Beat)
I could be single if I wanted, but I choose to have a girlfriend because... I'm so.. generous. (Beat) So there you go, ladies. Four simple rules.
Jake (cont'd)
Look at all you get when you just do what I say. So, ladies, if you want to get ahold of me, you know how. I'll be right here. Waiting. Patiently. (Beat) Yep, any moment I'll get lots of offers. (Beat) So hurry up or you'll your place in line. (Beat) Yeah. (Beat) This is Jake, your superstud, signing off.
Comments
Post a Comment